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okayshawna
I've turned most of my journal friends only. I have more personal stuff in here lately.
Feel free to add me and I'll most likely accept. I don't comment a whole lot unless I find something I can relate to in your entry but I'm always reading.
 

goodbye
okayshawna
even though I put my foot down and allowed myself to stop being dragged around on a string, I will always miss you on certain quiet nights where you will randomly find your way into my head, by some reminder or another. you were my first "real" love.

I haven't talked to you or seen your face in many months. I wish you the best in luck. I wish things could have been different.


http://youtu.be/6duhLeR7LeY

(no subject)
okayshawna

i haven't used this thing in forever. so much has changed in my life i don't even know where to begin. the last time i used this thing i was towards the end of my relationship with steve, and mimi was dying. i have been through a ridiculous amount in the past few years, and i'm hoping that things chill out soon and stablize. every time i seem to catch a grip on life, something else bad happens. for example, learning this past week that i had lyme disease. i was told that i caught it early enough and i should be fine... but really? lyme disease? after everything that's happened recently? is there anything else that is going to be thrown at me soon that i should know about? i probably shouldn't even ask. I'm living with Eric, my fiancee. we've been dating for almost 3 years now. i will be 23 years old 11/12. i had really hoped that i would have more accomplished with my life at this point but i'm going to give myself a break considering all the shit that has gone down in the past couple years. i still have time to do the things in life i want to do. i'm 22. i just used to have such extremely high expectations of myself and i feel that i've let myself down... we'll see if the next update yields any good news. expect it in a year or more since i don't update this thing, and mainly use it for communites. i figured i should write something new considering the last time i posted in this was 2011.

oh yeah! this is what i look like now. as of 6/25/13. thought i should probably show a new picture since it's been a few years. first picture is the most recent.

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(no subject)
okayshawna
i have lost my ability to be aggressive.

i think i like me better these way!

random thoughts
okayshawna
i want to have dinner on one of those boats. the mount washington? i think i'm going to do it for the fuck of it this summer. or go on one of those train rides.

i've been so exhausted from lack of sleep and working 7 day weeks that i've barely done much of anything besides hang out with people when i can keep my eyes open. i haven't even really touched the internet the past few days. it was a nice change to get away from technology and social networking.

there are some openings in ma for a job that i could get, but do i really want to leave my family behind in ma? i'd love to get out of here, but i don't know if i should do it.

(no subject)
okayshawna
I've started a little program where my handicapped client is selling Avon. It's totally awesome. People are buying and I'm so happy for her.

Matty and I walked around Manchester for like 2 hours yesterday. he was drunk, and covered in black light paint. It was amusing.

He then cooked me eggs, and in return i cooked him macoroni and cheese. I drank 110 proof liquor shots, and didn't feel much of anything. Passed out.

Attempted to watch Dead Snow with Steve. Passed out.

So tired.
So tired.
So tired.

7 days a week.

(no subject)
okayshawna
"Do one thing every day that scares you"

(no subject)
okayshawna
I promise I listen to every word you say.

(no subject)
okayshawna
I caught a glimpse of you on the street today as I drove down Merrimack. It was short and quick, and I wasn't sure if it was just a figment. You were smoking a cigarette and wearing plaid cut off shorts. I turned the car around to make sure I wasn't hallucinating and you were gone.

It was sad. I don't know why I thought it was, but it bothered me. I guess turning the car around to steal another quick glance and seeing nobody there touched a nerve.

Maybe it wasn't even you.

(no subject)
okayshawna
Sometimes you need to make decisions that aren't always wise or rational in order to better yourself. You might find that one risk that could have ended badly (but didn't) was the biggest stepping stone in your life.

Take risks, take chances. Get the fuck out of here while you can! You! Reading this. Do it now. Whatever you're afraid of. Do it.

I'd like to drive to Logan Airport for a milkshake, but my current company isn't keen on the idea of driving to Boston to people watch and drink milkshakes. What a square.

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